We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Someone signed my nipple.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
