I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
