I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
