i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
