you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
