well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
two words...techno handjob
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
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First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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