Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
