i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
