It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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