im holly from the hills drunk
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
