LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
