So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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