So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
