just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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