so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
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How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
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Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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