so let's talk penis.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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