Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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