Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
