If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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