dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"