please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I love having hate sex.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.