Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
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