guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Im part way to drunk.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass