Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today