R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?