It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
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Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
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just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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