I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
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I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
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I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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