Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
