I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
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