he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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