Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
