I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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