they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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