Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
