When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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