Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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