Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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