I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
