K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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