everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
