Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
