he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
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Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
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making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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