I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
