I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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