You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize