I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
