i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize