I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
