Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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