I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
