Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
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He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
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There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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