Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
