I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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