I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
