he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
