so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
