so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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