So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You took a bar mat shot.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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