Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
