I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
