cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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