im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
