fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
