I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
