This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
