I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
